


0330

by paper_ange



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, seriously there is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-20 01:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paper_ange/pseuds/paper_ange
Summary: Waking up in the dead of night with tears running down his face became routine for Craig due to a recurring nightmare, though he could never remember what it was about. Thankfully, Tweek was always there when he needed him, but his friends have been acting strange around him lately. What did the they know that Craig didn’t?





	1. Paper Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea from the music video to U-KISS's 0330, but since there were no subtitles, I had to guess what was happening. So really, it's more of just a reference than a parody. Let me know what you think!

June 23rd, 2015.

That was the day I met the boy who changed my life. The one who would take the image that I’ve worked so hard to uphold and shatter it. The one who would make me into a person that I’d never imagined myself becoming.

His name was Tweek Tweak.

When we first met, I didn’t think any of those things were going to happen. In fact, he struck me as the kind of person who probably wouldn’t like me. He was sitting on a bench by himself with a large cup of coffee, a jar of little paper stars, and a green folder underneath it. He looked like he was shaking while he was making the stars, though I expected the reason for that to be because of the coffee.

It must’ve been the paper stars that prompted me to talk to him, because I found myself towering over him with an expression that caused him to jump up.

“GAH! Wh-what is it?!” he asked loudly, almost as if he were shouting.

He was a head shorter than me, though he had hair big enough and fluffy enough to touch the tip of my nose if I had stood closer. His eyes were a dull green, with bags underneath, possibly due to stress or lack of sleep. His skin was pale, which made his soft freckles more visible, though they were still faint. He wore an oversized olive cardigan that hung loosely over a brown button-up shirt. I thought he was… attractive, to say the least. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. That would be gay. Then I realized that I hadn’t answered him for a good 30 seconds, and he probably thought I was a creep for staring at him for so long.

“Shit, my bad,” I apologized. “I was spacing out, no pun intended.”

“Huh? Pun?”

“You’re making stars,” I noted, pointing to his jar. “Stars are in space.”

He giggled at the comment, then sat to put his coffee cup down and put the jar in his lap.

“I’m filling up this jar with origami lucky stars for my room. You know, to make it look nice,” he explained, holding the jar up in front of his face. The jar was about the size of his head, and the stars were different colors. Some were solid, some shiny, and some had a pattern. The shiny ones contrasted with the others, though the way they were arranged made them look like little lights peeking out from a pile. Needless to say, I wanted one.

“When you’re done, I’m gonna buy it from you,” I told him. “How much?”

“No way, man,” he replied almost immediately. “This one’s mine. I didn’t sit here for two hours to get 3/4ths of the way done just so some dude who I don’t know can buy it off me.”

“Craig Tucker,” I said, holding out my hand.

“Tweek Tweak, and don’t laugh,” he demanded, taking my hand and shaking it. “I still hate my parents for my stupid name.”

“So,” I started, shoving my hands in my pockets. “Since I’m not some dude, and I won’t laugh at your name, can I buy it off you?”

“No,” he answered, though a smile tugged on his lips. “But…”

“But…?” I repeated.

“I’ll make you one for free if you don’t put a time limit on me,” he proposed. “I have other things going on in my life, so I can’t devote all of my time to it.”

“You’ve got a deal.”

As he continued folding the stars, I took a seat next to him on the bench and observed the steps he took to create a star. He pulled out a thin strip of paper that was a shiny gold color on one side and plain white on the inside. He started by making a knot by creating a loop and pulling the end through, so that one side stuck out by an inch or so, and the other side was much longer. He folded the small piece over to form a little pentagon, then folded the long strip against the edges of the pentagon. Soon, the long strip was gone, and all that was left was the little pentagon, now thicker than before. Finally, he used his nail to carefully push the edges inwards to form “V” shapes, which gave the star more dimension. When he was satisfied, he stared at the star for a while, then placed it on my leg.

“That one’s for you,” he said, flashing me a smile. “That should hold you off until I finish your jar.”

“I’ll treasure it,” I replied sarcastically, making sure that my tone of voice made that clear.

But that was no joke. That star sat on my bedside table for months to come, and it stayed there well after my jar was finished.


	2. Crush

October 28, 2015.

That was the day Tweek had told me that he was in love with me.

Since the day we met, we had been spending almost all of our time together, and I even brought him into my group. My gang consisted of 5 members: Clyde Donovan, our punching bag, Token Black, our source of income, Jimmy Valmer, our source of entertainment, me, our source of sarcasm and apathy, and finally Tweek Tweak, our source of free coffee and baked goods. I learned that Tweek woke up several times throughout the night, but he still functioned throughout the day without seeming tired. I learned that he was trying to give up on his addiction to coffee by starting with coffee milk and coffee flavored candies. I learned that he actually had many jars of paper stars, and that folding them was therapeutic to him. 

But most importantly, I heard that he was in love with someone, which he unwillingly confessed to Clyde after being pressured by him for so long. Clyde dragged him away from the group to ask who it was, then returned with the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. I could tell that he was trying hard to not drop any hints, but his eyes kept shifting toward me, and I already knew what that meant. I mean, I didn’t want to assume, but this had actually happened several times with different girls. Not that I even cared, anyway. I just wasn’t interested in dating, and my relationships never lasted longer than a few days. 

The point is, I knew Clyde was hinting that Tweek had a crush on me, and I was fully prepared to say yes if he asked me out. I didn’t see the problem with it. I had already accepted my sexuality, and let’s be honest. I was probably more in love with Tweek than he was with me. Even before I found out about his crush, I had been imagining us as a couple. We would cuddle when it was cold, or just in general, when we felt like being close to one another. We would go on dates where I would work my ass off as a stock associate and try to do something fancy for him (I got a job for that reason, to be honest). We would go on walks and do cheesy shit like carve our initials into a tree. That boy turned me into a complete sap, and somehow, I was fine with it.

So when Tweek texted me to come over and pick up my jar of stars, I saw this as my opportunity to ask him out, in the event that he didn’t ask me first. I waltzed into his room without a room to surprise him, but he didn’t jump like he normally did this time. He held the jar in his arms with his eyes closed, appearing as if he was lost in thought. I closed the door behind me, then took a seat on his bed. It was neatly made, which was also out of the ordinary. Not that Tweek was some kind of slob, but he wasn’t too organized, either. Then again, he finally started buttoning his shirts properly, so maybe he’s trying to be neater.

“So are you having second thoughts about parting with your stars, or what?” I joked, sending a smirk to the blonde.

Tweek opened his eyes, glanced at the door, then faced me. He took a deep breath before walking over and shoving the jar in my face.

“Here,” he said nervously. The jar shaked along with his arms and the rest of his body. I had an idea as to why he was so nervous, but I took the jar from him and waited patiently to see what he’d do next. I wanted to hear him confess to me.

“You’re probably wondering why I told you to come here, instead of me going over to your house. Well…”

He looked down at his feet while fidgeting with a button on his shirt.

“I think Clyde hinted this to you already… or maybe he already told you, but… I just really wanted to tell you in person. I… I noticed that you haven’t changed the way you act around me so maybe it’s okay if…”

He took another deep breath, then locked our eyes together.

“...If I told you that I was in love with you!”

Even though I saw this coming, I was still surprised. Hearing it in person rather than my own falsified impression was much more satisfying. I felt my cheeks heat up, so I put the jar down and quickly pulled Tweek into a hug to hide it.

“Shit… I love you, too,” I mumbled. I couldn’t believe the emotional mess I had become.

That night, I learned that Tweek was a cuddler. I helped him build a blanket fort on the bed so that we could watch videos on his laptop, and I swear, the amount of space in between us was nonexistent. This cuddly little fucker was a nervous wreck while he was trying to confess to me, now he’s all over me as if we had been together for years. Not that I minded, though. He could do whatever he wanted. In this case, I allowed him to sit in front of me while I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against the headboard. He was the perfect height for me to be able to see the screen by just putting my head on his shoulder. Shit, maybe I was the cuddler.

Sitting this close to him made me realize a few things. First of all, he was warm. South Park gets cold immediately when fall starts, yet this guy never wore anything thicker than that cardigan that he wore when we first met. I almost suspected that he only had one sweater, and he wore it at random times, regardless of weather. 

Secondly, he smelled like cotton. Not that I’ve shoved cotton up my nose and took a whiff. I mean like those lotions or those candles that say “cotton fresh”, or something. I expected him to smell like coffee from working at a coffee shop for so long, or maybe like those coffee candies that he’s always eating, but that wasn’t the case. He smelled nice, like laundry fresh from the dryer. 

And third, he was still. He was always anxious about something, so he was always shaking. I imagined that he was like those girls who screamed whenever the lights went out at school. But at this moment, he was perfectly still. It was like he was sleeping, yet his eyes were open. I could tell that he was happy with our position.

I really was in love with Tweek Tweak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooo boy, that was a lot of fluff. I don't think I'm ready to start the angst, but it's coming. Good luck, me. I'll try my best to update daily. If not, every other day. This fic won't be that long, but I'm not sure how long, so I won't state it in the chapters yet.


	3. 1st Nightmare

October 29, 2017

Today was the first day that I had that nightmare. At 3:30 AM, I woke up in tears and cold sweat. The memory of the nightmare disappeared immediately, but I couldn’t say the same about the tears falling from my eyes. I sat up and clutched my chest as I tried to catch my breath.

Tweek was startled by my sudden actions, being that he had already woken up before it happened. He took my hand and moved my head to meet his eyes.

“Honey, what’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?” he asked calmly, rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Yeah...” I choked.

“What was it about?”

I tried to recall the dream again, but I was drawing a blank. I couldn’t remember anything, but whatever it was, it must’ve been pretty intense to get me in such a state. I started hugging Tweek tightly, as if he was going to disappear if I let him go.

“I don’t know…” I whispered.

The sound of Tweek’s heartbeat managed to calm me down. I could feel myself melting in his arms. I felt safe here, where nothing bad could happen to me. I prayed that Tweek would stay by my side during these times of need. Having Tweek here to comfort me was all I needed to go back to sleep, though I feared that the nightmare would come again.

 

I struggled to wake up in the morning. The nightmare didn’t return, but my swollen eyes made it painful to face the sunlight peeking through the window. I turned to Tweek, who was sleeping soundly. On his hand, I noticed something shiny on his finger that caused me to forget all about that horrid dream.

I recalled what had happened the previous day. I had planned to propose to Tweek after two years of dating, but various situations arose that kept me from doing so.

First was Tweek’s job. Though he stopped working for his parents when he moved out at 18, he ended up at another coffee shop to work at. With his experience, he was given a lead position, which meant that he worked more hours, and he was called over whenever he was needed. He happened to be needed in the morning that I was going to propose.

Second was Clyde. When Tweek texted me that he was going on his break, I practically sprinted over there. I wasn’t going to be interrupted this time. Unfortunately, when I arrived, I saw Tweek on a patio chair next to a distressed Clyde. I couldn’t tell what he was blubbering about, but Tweek insisted that he wanted to help him before his break ended. Not wanting to give up the surprise, I kept quiet about my plan and helped Tweek console Clyde. Honestly, I couldn’t understand a word that guy was saying. All I caught was, “I end up...say how I...never love me...and then...Token!” He was crying about Token, I assumed.

Finally, it was my job, which started as Tweek’s ended. I was asked to do overnight inventory, so I texted Kenny to take over for me because I had something important planned. It turns out that Kenny’s sister had become very sick, and no one else was around to help her, so he couldn’t cover me. I wasn’t close enough to any of the other employees to get them to take a shitty overnight shift, so I was stuck going to work.

In the end, everything worked out. Tweek actually waited for me to finish work because he was upset that we couldn’t spend any time together. Even if that meant that he had to stay awake during hours that only drunks would be awake.

I greeted him with a smile, a long hug, and an apology for not appearing how I would’ve preferred when I did this. When he asked what “this” meant, I pulled out the ring and got down on one knee. Years of lifting boxes earned me enough money for a thin, gold engagement ring with a small diamond locked in the middle.

“I can’t believe you,” he whispered, placing his hands over his nose and mouth as tears welled up in his eyes. “Why do you have to be such a sweetheart?”

“I’m confused,” I answered with a cheeky grin. “Is that a yes or a no?”

“Yes, you asshole. Of course I’ll marry you!”

I stood to put the ring on his finger. Not only did it fit perfectly, but it looked perfect as well. This was a reminder that I had promised to love the soon to be Tweek Tucker for the rest of our lives, and nothing made me happier. He looked up at me and stared into my eyes. I pulled him close to bring his lips to mine.

 

When I returned to reality, Tweek had already woken up, and he had been staring at my vacant eyes.

“Are you dreaming about something good this time?” he asked.

“I sure am,” I replied, taking his hand and running my thumb over the ring. He smiled and blushed when he looked at his newly accessorized finger.

“I can’t believe you actually proposed,” he gushed. “Now I feel like I’m dreaming.”

I moved close to him to plant a small peck on his lips.

“You aren’t dreaming, Mr. Tucker,” I smirked.

Tweek’s green eyes lit up from those words. He blinked twice, as if he was trying to process something. Then he let out a sigh of relief, followed by a drawn out “thank God!” I raised an eyebrow to that response.

“If I was stuck with the name Tweek Tweak any longer, I would’ve screamed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basing the chapter length by the events that happened in a single day is weird cuz like... I gotta make more stuff happen, you know? At least the good stuff is happening next. Stay tuned, and again, I hope you enjoyed!


	4. Secrecy

October 30, 2017.

The same nightmare woke me up again at the same time, 3:30 AM. Again, my eyes snapped open, allowing the same tears from the night before roll down my face. I was starting to believe that this wasn’t a coincidence. 

One thing that differed, however, was the vividness of the dream. I still couldn’t remember what had happened, who was there, or anything like that, but my surroundings were slightly clearer than before. I could see colors, but not enough to hint at my location. There were splotches of bright yellow or white, which I assumed were lights. But for the most part, there was just darkness. There were figures that were darker than others, so it wasn’t complete darkness. It was as if I heavily relied on glasses to see, and I wasn’t wearing them. But unlike the night before, this was a clue. I wasn’t looking forward to waking up every night in distress, but maybe if I could recall the dream in full, I can talk to someone about it, and maybe get some answers.

I turned to face Tweek, who was still asleep. His body remained still, save for his breathing. I placed a hand on his cheek, which immediately woke him up, though that wasn’t my intention.

“Craig?” he asked, the drowsiness in his voice shown clearly. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, honey,” I apologized. “It was that dream again. I just felt the need to touch you. You can go back to sleep.”

“No, I’ll stay up with you,” he assured, placing his hand over mine. “You can tell me about it.”

I tried to recall the dream again, but aside from my previous observation, I couldn’t remember anything new. Just the same blurred figures and well blended colors that didn’t hint at much at all. When I explained this to Tweek, he appeared lost in thought. He began biting his thumb lightly, which he often did when he was thinking hard about something. I heard him mumble something, but I couldn’t make anything out of it. Tweek mumbling under his breath was about as understandable as Clyde trying to speak while crying, though in this situation, I couldn’t pick out a single word he said.

“If you remembered something now, you might remember more next time,” he finally explained.

“I guess so, but it’s not really that fun waking up in the dead of night from the same nightmare again and again.”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to happen forever. Maybe you’ll be able to remember the whole thing by the end of the week.”

That didn’t sound too bad, but it still wasn’t a pleasant thing to keep waking up to. I decided to go back to sleep, with hopes that I could relax for the rest of the night.

At around 8:15 AM, Tweek had left the bed, leaving his side unmade. I checked my phone to see if he was going to work. There were two messages: one from Tweek, who notified me that he did, in fact, leave for work, and one from Clyde.

Clyde: i know what you’re going through. if u ever want 2 talk about it, let me kno. just tell me where to go and ill be there.

Did I tell Clyde about my dream? Now that I think about it, I stayed home with Tweek for the entire day yesterday. It was our day off, after all, and we wanted to celebrate the engagement. Did I even tell anyone about the engagement, or did we both decide to let everyone find out when we sent out the wedding invitations? I liked the latter idea better, so I’ll stick to keeping it a secret.

 

I texted Clyde to meet me at the park, then waited for him on the bench where I met Tweek. I watched him walk my way with hands in his pockets. He pulled one hand out for a small, quiet wave, which was very unusual for him. Normally, he would call out my name while running, and his waves emitted much more excitement. I began to wonder if there was something really wrong with him, or if whatever was going on with Token got progressively worse. But that wouldn’t explain his message. “I know what you’re going through?” What was he talking about?

He took a seat next to me and leaned forward, facing the hands that he had clasped together on top of his knees.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, now turning to face me. There was a look of worry in his eyes that I just couldn’t understand. What was going on?

I didn’t know how to bring up the topic, or if I even wanted to, but the out of character Clyde sitting beside me seemed like a good person to vent to.

“Well… I’ve been having strange dreams,” I explained.

“Strange dreams? Like how strange?”

“Like… How should I put it? I’m having recurring nightmares? But like, of the same thing? And I can’t really remember anything afterwards, either. It’s happened twice already, and it’s getting pretty tiring, waking up in the middle of the night with my heart trying to kill me. Does that make sense?” 

Clyde’s mouth opened slightly to speak, but then he closed it. Instead, he pulled me into a hug and whispered “it’s okay”. I wasn’t used to hugging Clyde, so I didn’t hug him back. In fact, I was more confused as to why he was hugging me. Was there something he knew that I didn’t know about? Did he know why I was having these dreams?

“Are you like some dream expert?” I asked, pushing him off of me. “Like, do you know what this could mean?”

“You said you don’t remember anything, though. Like, nothing at all? Not even anyone that was there?”

“No, actually, but I remembered a little more than last time,” I sighed. “I can’t recall any people, though. Just some background colors.”

“You know what?” he started.

“What?”

“You should ask Kenny about it,” he advised. “Dreams are like supernatural stuff, right? He knows a lot about that kind of stuff.”

“It’s psychological, not supernatural,” I clarified. 

But he did have a point. Kenny knew a lot about both of those things. He was also very observant, which added to his understanding of how people behaved. There’s a chance that dreams were linked to that as well.

“I’ll ask him. Thanks,” I said, standing up to leave.

“Wait!” Clyde called out, tugging on my sleeve.

I turned around for an explanation for his sudden outburst. At first, he looked worried, but then that worry turned to uneasiness. He looked as if he was trying to say something, but couldn’t think of the words. I watched as he fought an internal battle with himself, whispering “no wait” every few seconds and looking at different parts of the grass. It reminded me of Tweek.

“Are you alright, though?” He finally asked. “Like, is there anything else you want to talk about?”

“Uh, not really, but you texted me that you knew what I was going through,” I noted. “You didn’t seem to know about my dreams, so what were you talking about?”

Clyde stared at me with wide eyes, which then started shifting around. He pressed his lips together as if he were hiding a secret. Through normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have bothered to do anything about it, much like the time when he tried to hide Tweek’s confession. What did he know? It was starting to bother me.

“I have to make a call,” he blurted, running off in the direction he came in. My built up curiosity from our whole conversation led me to chase after him, though I stayed quiet enough for him to not notice. I’ve mastered the technique of sneaking up on people after all, so I knew how to shift the weight on my feet to make my footsteps light and quiet on pavement.

When he reached his front door, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket and dialed someone.

“Holy shit, dude, it’s worse than we thought!” I heard him say, though I couldn’t tell who he was talking to.

“I don’t think he knows, dude! How could he not know?”

“Seriously? That doesn’t sound good…”

“I don’t want to tell him! I don’t wanna see the look on his face when he--”

“When I what?” I finally chimed in.

Clyde froze, but he didn’t face me. I walked up the stairs and stood on his porch, waiting for him to turn around.

“He’s standing right behind me…” he whispered.

“If you won’t say anything, then get out of there. I’ll tell him when I get home tomorrow,” the voice--who I quickly recognized as Token--advised.

“Is there something I should know?” I questioned, slowly losing my patience from all the secrets being kept from me.

Clyde turned around, though he left Token on the line. His body faced me, but his eyes avoided mine.

“Craig, I…”

“What’s going on, guys?”

Tweek stood across from us on the sidewalk, still wearing his apron. I was too focused on Clyde to remember that his shift had ended already.

“Sorry, babe. I was just asking Clyde about something. I’ll be there in a second.”

When I turned back to Clyde, I saw that his wide eyes had returned. He looked at me, then at Tweek, then back at me again. He held his phone to his ear and, without breaking eye contact, entered his house and shut the door.

“Dude, holy shit,” I heard him say to Token from the other side.

I walked over to Tweek, grabbed his hand, then led him back home.

“I literally have no idea what that was about,” I told him as we walked.

 

When we arrived at my room, he led me to the bed. Like Clyde, he had a worried look in his eyes, which he pointed downwards. When we both took a seat on the bed, he grabbed both of my hands and sighed.

“I’m worried about you, Craig,” he confessed. “What if the nightmares don’t stop? I don’t want this to happen to you all the time.”

I looked down at our hands and let out a sigh as well.

“I don’t know, but it’s really depressing to think about. On one hand, it would be great if they stopped. On the other hand… I kind of want to know why they’re upsetting me so much.”

Tweek brought my hands up to his lips to plant a soft kiss on my knuckles.

“I understand, honey. But if you want help, let me know. I’ll do my best.”

 

We dropped the subject for the rest of the day, but I couldn’t help thinking about Clyde’s secretive behavior. I decided that if I had the dream again tonight, I would consult Kenny about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be a while before I update this again because I got FBW! But when I say a while, I only mean a few days. As always, I hope you enjoy!


	5. Truth

October 31, 2017

This became a routine for me. Wake up at 3:30 AM because of that shitty nightmare. Forcefully rub tears out of my eyes. Try to recall the dream. But this time, I was able to remember something new.

The colors that I had previously seen were more clear, more detailed. I saw buildings, lamp posts, and a road stretched out horizontally in front of me. Then there was Tweek. He stood on the other side of the crosswalk. I assumed that he was waiting for the walk signal to come on, because he stood in place while the signal showed a red hand. I couldn’t see much of his face, nor could I hear him, but I could vaguely see his lips moving. I couldn’t hear anything, really, and that was all I could remember. I noticed that the scenario seemed very familiar. Wasn’t this how my proposal played out? Did something happen that I’m not remembering? Did he actually break up with me before I could propose, and that’s why I keep waking up in the middle of the night in distress? Because I kept reliving it?

Without giving it much thought, I immediately grabbed Tweek’s hand to search for the ring, ignoring the fact that I had startled him awake. To my relief, it was exactly where I had put it. I sighed, though I continued to hold Tweek’s hand to rub my finger on the ring.

“Were you worried that I wasn’t wearing it?” he asked, already used to my routine.

“Yeah,” I answered. “To be honest, I thought that was what the dream was about. I thought that you had broken up with me before I could propose.”

“You thought?” he questioned, puzzled by my explanation. “So you don’t know if that’s really what happened?”

Now I was confused again. If that didn’t happen, then why do I keep dreaming of this scenario? Was I that insecure about Tweek leaving me that my inner self would constantly generate a scenario to remind me that I’m not good enough for him? I turned to him to ask, but he seemed to already understand what I was thinking. He took the hand that I used to hold his other and caressed it with a gentle smile.

“Why would you dream about me breaking up with you? I love you. You know that.”

He freed his ringed hand and held it in front of me.

“This is proof,” he assured. “This here says that I promised to be with you for the rest of my life.”

Seeing that ring on his finger filled my body with warmth. I could feel the tears try to fall again, but out of happiness and relief, rather than pain. I tried to suck them back in to prevent myself from worrying Tweek. He really was always by my side, and I couldn’t be happier to know that he was going to stay by my side for the rest of our lives. Yet the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. What if the dream came back, but with a different message? What if this was about something much worse? One thing’s for sure is that I was definitely going to consult Kenny about this.

 

I had woken up around 11 AM. Being forced awake at 3:30 every morning really messed with my sleep schedule. I saw that Tweek was still in bed next to me because he had the day off, and luckily, so did I. I checked my phone for any messages. There was one from Token, who asked that I meet him and the gang at the diner. He had instructed that I didn’t bring Tweek because he had something important that he needed to share with me. Recalling what had happened with Clyde the other day, I didn’t question Token’s request. I had a feeling that this might worry Tweek. I notified him that I had something important to take care of with the group, and Tweek only replied with, “okay, have fun!” before giving me a quick peck on the lips and leaving the bed to make breakfast.

I checked the next message, which was from Kenny.

Kenny: meet me at Stark’s pond when you’re done talking to the others. Clyde gave me the details. bring Tweek.

Once again, I was beginning to feel uneasy about the situation, but overthinking it right now would probably cause me to burn out. I decided to just talk to the guys first as I was instructed, then talk to Kenny. I started wondering about what exactly Clyde told Kenny, but then I dismissed the thought. I’ll ask Clyde about it when I see him.

 

At the diner, Token, Clyde, and Jimmy sat in a booth, conversing about something that I couldn’t hear due to the rest of the chatter coming from the other tables. As I was walking, I made eye contact with Token for a second, and he told the others about my arrival. There was an empty seat beside Token, so I sat down next to him.

“What’s the big secret, guys?” I asked, not bothering to hide my annoyance of all the private conversations about me.

Token glanced at the others, then at me.

“We’re worried about you, man,” he confessed. “You’ve been acting strange after what happened.”

“After what happened?” I questioned. 

“Token, I think that w-w-w-we’ve established that he doesn’t r-r-r-remember,” Jimmy stuttered. “You should j-j-j-j-just tell him.”

“I know, I know. I just… I just don’t want to be insensitive about it.”

“Will someone please just tell me what all the secrets are about?” I demanded. I didn’t want to let my emotions take over, but when your friends are all clearly hiding something from you while you’re literally right in front of them, it gets a bit frustrating, to say the least.

“Do you remember what happened 3 days ago? On the 28th?” Token asked.

Aside from proposing to Tweek, I didn’t pay any attention to anything else that happened that day. I was too focused on my fiance status, but I wasn’t going to tell the guys that. It’s probably not relevant, anyway.

“No,” I answered. “Why, did something happen to someone I know?”

The three gave each other surprised looks, then concerned ones.

“Did someone die?” I suspected, trying to figure out why everyone was so worried for me. “Is my family okay?”

“It’s Tweek!” Clyde blurted. The others shot him shocked expressions, with Token hissing “what the fuck, Clyde?!”

I couldn’t wrap my head around this. Tweek... was dead? That’s impossible. I saw him this morning! He made breakfast! I kissed him twice this morning! I held his hand last night! I could feel his warmth! That had to be real!

“What kind of sick fucking joke…” I muttered. My hands balled into fists under the table.

“Clyde didn’t mean to say it like that,” Token pleaded. “You didn’t remember, so we were going to help--”

“Then what the fuck were you trying to say?!” I fumed, paying no mind to the curious eyes of the other customers. “I saw him with my own two eyes! I was with him these past few days! Are you trying to say that I’ve been delusional the entire time? You know I wouldn’t take to kindly to any jokes about hurting Tweek--”

Token grabbed me by the shoulders, appearing angry for whatever reason.

“Clyde told me about the dreams you were having!” he shouted. “We think that you might be reliving the scene, but then you repress the memory when you wake up! I don’t know what exactly is going on, but for your own good, you need to wake up and face reality! He’s dead, Craig!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Everything they were saying sounded like nonsense. If Tweek was really dead, then why couldn’t I remember? How could I forget something so important? It didn’t make sense. I didn’t want it to make sense. When I go home, I’ll see Tweek, and I’ll hold him close. I’ll feel his skin, his hair, his body. I’ll never let him go.

I removed Token’s hands and ran out of the building. I had to find Tweek. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see him smiling at me when I enter the door of the apartment that we lived in together. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that I promise to be his side forever. The more I thought about the idea of Tweek being dead made my chest tighten. I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted to see Tweek.

On my way home, I saw Kenny leaning outside my apartment building. He had a hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone in front of him. When he noticed me, he flashed me a toothy grin.

“If you’re here to piss me off too, then don’t bother,” I grumbled, turning to walk up the stairs.

“I just want to talk to you and Tweek,” he claimed. And as if he could hear from the fourth floor, Tweek appeared, walking down the steps to meet us.

“Kenny…” he said.

“You know why I’m here, don’t you, Tweek?”

I watched as Tweek walked over to Kenny’s side, then faced me with apologetic eyes.

“Tell him the truth,” I heard Kenny whisper to Tweek.

I felt like speaking up. I wanted to stop him there. Whatever the truth is, I know that it won’t be good. I was trying to get rid of the ideas that the guys have put in my head earlier, not confirm it.

Tweek bit his lip and looked at his feet. I could tell that he was hesitating to speak. I grabbed his shaky hands and held them in front of us. I could feel his skin, even the heat. How could this not be real?

“It’s okay, Tweek. I don’t want to know--”

“You have to know,” Kenny interjected. “It’s very important.”

I shot him a glare. At this point, I didn’t want to hear anything else. I’ve heard enough today, and I was too mentally exhausted to listen to any more nonsense. Tweek and I are going to go upstairs and spend some time together, away from these assholes who are filling my head with those horrible theories.

“He’s right…” Tweek admitted. I watched helplessly as he removed his hands from my grasp. They were so cold without him.

“I’ll be by your workplace. 3:30 AM. I’ll see you there.”

If my senses weren’t fading at this moment, I could say with confidence that I could hear the dread and regret in his voice. I could feel myself dissociating on the spot. I was so terrified of what was about to happen that I didn’t notice that he and Kenny walked off together.

 

It was now 11 PM. Tweek had left around 1 PM, yet I haven’t left our bed ever since. I had sent several texts since then, all of which asked variants of, “please come home, are you okay, and I miss you”. None of them received a reply, nor were there any read receipts. Was he ignoring me on purpose, or was there a logical reason as to why he wasn’t answering me? Maybe his phone died, or maybe he turned it off and forgot to turn it back on. 

Throughout our several hours of separation, I desperately tried to suppress everything I’ve heard today. I didn’t even want to know what the truth was that Tweek had been hiding from me. I just wanted him here, by my side. Even so, a part of me wanted to know. I trust Tweek’s word above all else, but I knew that he would tell me something that I didn’t want to hear. I wasn’t ready for the truth, but that wasn’t going to matter 4 hours from now. I was going to see him, and that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be 7 chapters, based on the outline I wrote out. But oh man is writing angst hard. I was definitely sad writing it, though it's probably sadder in my imagination than what I ended up writing. Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!


	6. Goodbye

November 1, 2017

I didn’t follow my usual routine today. At 3:30 AM, or rather 3:28, I didn’t wake up in distress, nor were there tears falling from my eyes. I was nowhere near my bed, and Tweek was nowhere near me. I did what he asked: I stood in front of my workplace and waited for him to arrive. I felt like I was reliving the dream rather than the proposal, but because I didn’t have the dream this time, I couldn’t see if I could determine anything new.

I was incredibly anxious standing here. There were no cars in sight, nor could I hear any driving around. A lamp post stood above me, bathing me in warm light. I stared at the one across from me, which held the crosswalk sign. In the dream, that’s where Tweek stood. I remember him waiting for the signal to change so he could walk. Despite the warmth from the light, the cold November wind slipped under my sweater and nipped at my skin. Normally, I wouldn’t wait in a place like this for anyone, but this was an important case. This moment will explain everything, and I wasn’t prepared. I was shaking, not just from the air, but from my nerves.

Finally, the clock struck 3:30, and for a few seconds, my vision had blurred. When everything became clear again, I saw Tweek. He wore the same outfit as the day of my planned proposal and my dream: a green, loose knit sweater that I had bought him for Christmas, fitted blue jeans that pooled at his ankles due to their length, and his favorite tattered black sneakers. His hair was a mess, like usual, but it had the appearance of someone who had the wind blow through their hair as they ran. He waved at me from across the street with a beaming smile. I began to take a step forward to cross, but then I heard a voice tell me to stay where I was. My feet wouldn’t leave the ground. I watched as Tweek took a step onto a street, only to hear the sound of tires spinning much faster than they should have in this area. I knew what was going to happen next.

I attempted to leap forward to save him, but my body remained in place. Instead, I watched a version of me do what I tried to do, but he didn’t make it. Both of us stood in shock, watching Tweek fly backward and land onto the street. The sound of his body hitting the ground and sliding back made me want to throw up. The sight of red pooling out of his body was no better.

The other me ran to Tweek’s side, screaming his name. I couldn’t move from my spot. I wanted to be by Tweek’s side, but that wasn’t the real him. This was the memory that I’ve suppressed for so long, and now I watched my past self agonize over the event that took place. I saw them hold Tweek’s body with one arm and use the other to call an ambulance. Past me was desperate enough to scream for help. The driver, who had been saved by his airbag, stepped outside. He fell backward when he saw what he had caused and was unable to do anything but sit and shake in place. I didn’t know whether he had been drinking or was distracted by his phone, but I was torn between the idea of my past self beating the fuck out of that guy or staying by Tweek’s side. Everything that I felt back then resurfaced at this moment. I felt fear, helplessness, and anger. I didn’t know what to do, but I hated myself for not being able to save him. I wanted to tear my eyes away from the scene, but I couldn’t. I needed to know how this played out.

People began checking out the commotion. More screams drowned out that of my past self’s, and the driver finally got onto his feet to run away from the scene. I watched myself hold Tweek in his arms in a tight embrace that would’ve suffocated him if he wasn’t already at his deathbed. Tweek didn’t respond at all to the situation. It wasn’t like a movie where he would tell me his last words before he passed. His eyes were closed and nothing left his mouth besides blood.

“Please don’t leave me,” I heard myself say to the lifeless body.

The ambulance finally arrived to take both me and Tweek away. My past self had quieted down, though his face was a mess. And that was the end of that memory. I could feel the tears fall down my own eyes and my mouth trembling. My knees hit the ground, then my hands, which almost scraped against the sidewalk.

“Tweek...” I choked through tears, letting them splash onto the pavement.

In front of me, Tweek appeared again. My head shot up the second I saw those tattered sneakers. I got back on my feet and reached for his face. I held his face in my hands for a moment, trying to take in the situation.

“Why can I feel you here?” I asked, grabbing him by the cheeks.

Tweek looked solemn when he placed a hand on mine. His gaze was fixated on me.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” he answered. “You’re touching me right now because I’m allowing it.”

“Are you...”

“A ghost,” he finished for me. “Yes, I am.”

I pulled him close and held him tightly. I didn’t understand how I was able to do this, but after what I had just witnessed, I didn’t care for the details. Ghost Tweek was good enough for me.

“How could I forget something like this...” I whispered.

“Because I was being selfish.”

I released him from the hug and raised an eyebrow, but I kept my hands on his shoulders.

“What do you mean?”

Tweek’s ghost began to cry. He removed my hand from his shoulder and held onto it tightly. I felt his hair tickle my hand when he pressed his forehead against it.

“I’m sorry... I... I saw how distraught you were, and... I didn’t want you to suffer. You forgot because I led you back home from the hospital in this form and continued to act like everything was okay. You... you believed the whole thing to be a nightmare and pushed the memory away. If you had stayed at the hospital, you wouldn’t have had these recurring dreams. I should’ve... I should’ve just left things the way they were.”

“Tweek...” I said calmly, despite my own tears. “I’m not mad at you.”

Tweek looked up at me with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

“I’m happy that you wanted to stay by my side. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if you stayed with me forever like this. I might get weird looks for talking to you in public, but that’s okay.”

“Craig...”

He let go of my hand and took a step back, his gaze not leaving the ground. I noticed that he had his arms folded across his chest and his hands grabbing his biceps, which is what he did when he was feeling guilty.

“The reason that you can see and touch me right now is due to someone’s powers... They wanted me to finish what I had to do in this world, which was say my goodbyes, but I had overstayed my welcome. I was supposed to go back on the first day, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to leave your side. Not after what you’ve been through.”

“Then you don’t have to!” I pleaded, going against my logical nature. “Maybe we can talk to this person and bring you back!”

“You can’t bring people back to life, Craig,” Tweek reminded. “You know that.”

“Like I said earlier, I don’t mind you being a ghost! As long as I can see you―“

“Craig!” he shouted, startling me.

He looked up at me and showed a pained expression. This was his way of telling me that I was being unreasonable, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him by my side. Wasn’t there anything I could do?

“You have to move on,” he told me, though I could tell that he didn’t want to say that. “I can’t leave until I know that you’ll be okay without me.”

I sighed heavily. I knew that this was what had to be done, but still... I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want him to leave. What was I going to do without him?

He held out a hand for me to grab, which I accepted.

“Where are we going to go?” I asked.

“Home.”

 

When we reached the apartment, I unlocked the door and walked in. I regretted being the first to enter because the second I turned to let him in, he had already disappeared. He left without saying goodbye or “I love you”. Why would he do that?

I opened the door to my room and saw him holding the jar of paper stars he had given me when we had confessed our feelings for each other. He handed me the jar, which I took and placed on the bedside table. I reached for his face to kiss him, but this time, my hand went right through him. He walked over to the jar and picked up a star. He flattened it with his fingertips, unrolled it, then placed it back in the jar. He finally turned to me with a gentle smile before disappearing again.

“Goodbye, Craig,” were his last words.

I attempted to reach for him one last time, but it was useless. Instead, I found my hand hovering in front of the unrolled star. I picked it up and saw a message written on the paper.

“Thank you for everything,” it said.

I grabbed more stars and unrolled them to see if there were any more messages.

“You make me feel safe.”

“I love spending time with you.”

“I’m glad that I met you.”

I grabbed the jar this time and dumped the stars onto my bed. I intended to read every message that he had written until I saw what was at the bottom of the jar. Taped to it was a shiny golden star, and next to it was the ring I had given to him. I peeled both of them off of the jar and unfolded the star.

“I promise to love you forever, even after death,” it read.

I held the ring in my hand and stared at it. It was never actually worn, so it shined brand new. If that was a ghost, then that means that I never got a chance to put it on him before he died. I never actually proposed to him, yet he knew. He wore the ring and made me believe that the tragedy never happened. He created false memories for me so that I could remain blissfully ignorant. He stayed by my side so that I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life grieving over him. He just wanted to give me a proper goodbye, but he got too caught up in trying to make me happy instead of helping me move on. He did everything he could, so now it was my turn to make sure that his efforts wouldn’t be wasted.

Still, I needed a moment to grieve. This was the second time that we said goodbye, and even though I said that I wouldn’t waste his efforts, the pain in my heart wouldn’t go away so easily. This time, he was gone for good, and I had to accept that. But that doesn’t mean that I had to forget about him.

I reminisced about the times we spent together. 

The day we met, I had asked him to make a jar of paper stars for me. He told me that he would work on it at his own pace, then gave me a gold star to hold me off. That gold star was still on my bedside table.

The day he confessed to me, I felt the world stop. I knew it was coming, yet I found myself at a loss for words. I had actually planned to kiss him, but I pulled him in for a hug instead. I would never forget the first night we spent as a couple, holding each other close and watching videos together.

The day he died, I sobbed throughout the entire ride in the ambulance. They had me wait in a different room before calling me back over to tell me that he didn’t make it. I truly believed that his faint breathing was enough to give me hope, but it was useless.

Then I realized what had happened. What had made me forget.

When I leaned over his lifeless body to soak his blanket in the tears that wouldn’t go away, I heard a voice tell me to turn around. That’s when I saw his ghost, though his appearance looked too real. Maybe it was my denial talking, but the moment I saw him, all of my grief had disappeared. The ghost told me to come home with him, and I didn’t even question it. I left the real Tweek alone in that hospital room so that I could delude myself with fake memories.

I knew that it wasn’t entirely my fault. He had admitted to pulling me away from the scene to make me forget my pain. He didn’t want me to cry anymore, so he pretended that everything was okay. I couldn’t just shift the blame to him, though. It didn’t change the fact that I had left the real Tweek for a happy delusion. But that didn’t matter right now. We’ve parted ways, and that was the end of it.

I gripped the ring in my hand and held it to my heart as I sobbed quietly in this empty room.

“Goodbye, Tweek. I promise to love you forever too, even after death.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter will be about Tweek's point of view as a ghost. It'll clear up some of the things that were touched on in this chapter but not fully explained. Thank you all for reading, and thank you for the kudos! Let me know what you think!
> 
> On a side note: Wow, was this hard to write. I’m normally weak to angst, so writing it myself was extra painful. I’m sorry for making my babies suffer!


	7. A Proper Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in Tweek's POV now.

October 28, 2017

Craig texted me that he was almost finished with work around 3:20 AM, so I made my way over. I arrived at around 3:27, but the lights in the grocery store he worked at were still on, and I could see him hauling a box into another room. I rarely saw him work, because his job required him to spend more time in the back room than up front, which was more like him. He didn’t like interacting with customers, after all.

At 3:28, I watched people pour out of the building and cheering about work finally ending, but I didn’t see Craig. The lights were still on in the building, but I couldn’t see anyone inside.

At 3:29, I saw Craig walking out of the back room with who I assumed to be his manager. He tried to be on his best behavior, but I could tell that whatever his manager was saying was boring him. The two of them exited the building, and his manager waved goodbye to him as he turned right to cross the street. When he noticed me standing on the other side of the crosswalk, he sent me a smile that made my heart skip a beat, even though we had been together for 2 years now. I returned the smile with my own and an excited wave. At that moment, all I could think about was running over and jumping into his arms. 

At 3:30, the crosswalk signaled for me to make my way across the street. I put all of my focus on the man right in front of me and eagerly stepped onto the street. I could feel a bounce in my step as I inched closer to my love. Unfortunately, the moment where I would wrap my arms around him never came. I felt a strong force against my side push me away from my spot and send me flying. The second I hit the ground, everything went black.

 

I woke up again in an empty white room. I was sure that I had died, though I couldn’t pinpoint my location. This place didn’t look like the heaven that had been described to me as a child. There were no pearly gates or beautiful skies. There wasn’t anything in this place.

Within seconds, someone in a beat up orange parka appeared. I only knew one person in this town who wore that every day. 

“Kenny?” I called out. “Is that you?”

Kenny turned around in shock to face me. He looked me up and down, then began to walk around me. Afterwards, he cupped my face with his hands.

“Shit, dude! Is that you, Tweek? What the hell happened?”

I was surprised by Kenny’s comment. Wasn’t I supposed to be dead? I rubbed the part of my head that I landed on, but I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. I brought my hand back and saw that it came out clean, free from dirt or blood. Wasn’t this how I was supposed to appear after death? Just as I was before it happened?

“Wh-where am I?” I asked, suddenly realizing the situation I was in.

“Limbo,” Kenny answered. He seemed very familiar with this place for some reason.

“Limbo? Why not heaven or hell?”

Kenny laughed at my question, claiming that I was too good for hell.

“If you’re here, then that means that you’re not ready to move on. You can’t go to heaven unless you accept that you’re dead.”

I thought about the scene again. I was crossing the street, then something ran into me. The only logical explanation was some kind of vehicle, but I didn’t understand why that was. The signal said walk, didn’t it? Maybe they were distracted or intoxicated.

Then it hit me. Craig had been watching the whole thing. He watched me die, and now he’s probably in distress because of it.

“Craig...” I whispered. “He’s going to be crushed...”

“What happened, Tweek?” Kenny asked. “Why can’t you move on?”

“Craig just watched me die...” I answered softly. “Will he be okay after that?”

Kenny fell silent. He pressed his lips together and shoved his hands in his pockets. I noticed that he was deep in thought, since his eyes were closed, and he was taking deep breaths.

“Do you want to give him a proper goodbye?” he asked, opening his eyes again.

“Yes!” I answered quickly, not giving it much thought. “I want to see Craig!”

Kenny didn’t seem to pleased by my answer based off of the sigh he had let out.

“I’ll help you say goodbye,” he said, holding out his hand.

I didn’t understand what he meant by that, but I was too caught up in the idea of being able to see Craig again, so I immediately grabbed his hand and shook it. This had caused him and the empty room to disappear, leaving me in a different room with two other people: my dead self and Craig, who pressed his face against my lifeless body. The sight of my body covered in bandages and tubes made me uncomfortable, but the sight of my grief-stricken lover made my chest tighten.

“They couldn’t save you...” I heard him say. “I couldn’t save you...”

This scene shattered my heart. I couldn’t bear to see my almost husband blame himself for not being able to save me. I wanted to hold him tight and tell him that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to erase those memories from his mind and pretend that none of that ever happened. And that’s exactly what I did.

“Craig,” I said.

I heard him stop sniffling. He looked around the room in search for something, then backed away from my body. Was he able to hear me?

“I’m right here,” I called out, testing this theory.

He turned around and caught my eye, though the fact that he kept blinking and rubbing his eyes meant that he was too confused to respond.

“Come with me,” I instructed, walking towards the door.

Without a word, he grabbed onto my hand and did as I asked. I led him out of the hospital and all the way back to our apartment. When we had reached our room, I got into bed and pretended to sleep, hoping he would do the same.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he said, crawling into bed beside me.

The event must have made him exhausted, because he was asleep in seconds. He didn’t react when I placed a hand on his face, but I was more concerned about the fact that I was able to touch him in the first place. What did Kenny do to me?

Then I remembered what Kenny had said to me. I was in limbo because I wanted to say goodbye to Craig before I passed, and he was going to help me do that. But what did he do? Did he turn me into a ghost that could walk freely on Earth?

I checked again to see if Craig was fast asleep before stepping out of bed and heading towards a mirror. Sure enough, I had no reflection. I touched my cheek, my chest, and then ran my hand through my hair. I could feel all of that. This didn’t seem like the kind of ghosts that I’ve read about.

Once again, I checked up on Craig. He was sleeping soundly. When I crawled back into bed, I noticed puffy bags under his eyes from all the crying and wondered if he’d notice them when he woke up. I wasn’t sure if I could sleep, so I tried closing my eyes. I didn’t feel tired at all, so nothing happened. I considered visiting Kenny to ask what was going on, but I didn’t want Craig to suddenly wake up and see that I had left. That might trigger his memories. So instead, I settled for thinking about the special moments we shared together until he woke up.

Around 9 AM, I heard a buzzing coming from Craig’s phone, so I left the bed and picked it up since he was still fast asleep. He never put the ringer on because Clyde would text him too often, and sure enough, it was Clyde. He asked if Craig and I wanted to hang out. I didn’t know if Clyde would be able to see me, so I declined the offer in Craig’s place. He was off today, so I saw this as an opportunity to keep him home and avoid finding about what happened. Clyde sent him a sad emoji in response, which I deleted, along with the previous messages.

I held the phone in my hands and wondered if what I was doing was wrong. Craig should know the truth... right? But wouldn’t he be heartbroken?

I looked back at Craig, who had rolled over to face the wall, dragging the blanket with him. Under the blanket, I saw a blue box peeking out. It must’ve fallen out of his pocket while he was sleeping. I carefully pulled it out from under the blanket inspected it. It was a small blue box covered in a velvety fabric. When I opened it, I saw a thin, golden ring with a small diamond in the middle. I’ve seen enough romance films to know what this meant. Immediately assuming that this was an engagement ring for me, I beamed at Craig and put the ring on, my heart(?) beating fast. It shined beautifully on my finger.

When I had put the box on the bedside table, Craig had woken up. I heard him yawn as he turned around to face me.

“Morning, honey,” he said with a lazy smile.

I couldn’t help but grin widely at him, but only for a second, because I was still admiring my new ring. He took note of this and let out a small chuckle.

“Nice, huh? Does it make up for all the extra shifts I took these past few months?”

 _Thank god that I made the right assumption_ , I thought, though I began to wonder if he had it in his pocket because he was going to propose before the incident it earlier today. I decided to make him believe that he actually went through with it. 

“I swear to god, if you spent a fortune on this thing...” I joked, though I wouldn’t have cared either way. Okay, maybe a little, since that could’ve been food money, but still. I won’t turn down such a sweet gesture.

Then I realized the situation. I don’t know when or how I’m going to say goodbye to Craig, but when I do, how will he survive? Not emotionally, but physically. Will he start living on his own? Will he move in with someone from the group? Will he have enough money for rent? How much did he spend on this ring?!

“I didn’t spend my life savings, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he assured, noticing the way my eyebrows furrowing and my lips pressing together. “I mean, I’m still not going to tell you how much I spent, but I’ll tell you right now that we’ll be fine on food and rent and other stuff.”

He struck a nerve with that last comment, bringing me back to my previous thoughts. “We’ll” be fine. Somehow, I could feel Kenny glaring at me to tell Craig the truth already, but I honestly didn’t know how to go about it. I should’ve told him at the hospital, not bring him home and delude him. He clearly doesn’t remember a thing anymore, and it’s my fault. I just made it harder for the both of us.

“I believe you,” I said, trying to gain my composure. I didn’t want him to get suspicious, so I changed the subject.

“Both of us are off today, so why don’t we just hang around here? Have a movie marathon or play video games? We can order takeout, too. We don’t have to leave the apartment at all,” I suggested.

Craig pulled me onto the bed and planted a kiss on my lips, or rather, he grabbed my cheeks and smushed his face onto mine in an attempt to kiss me. Either way, I returned the gesture, making myself comfortable and snuggling myself closer to him.

“You know me so well!” he said with a charming grin.

 

Throughout the day, I kept Craig’s phone in the pocket of my hoodie in case anyone else decided to text him, and I made sure to set it on silent. Thankfully, Craig was the type to give his complete attention to his movies, despite the fact that he had seen them several times, so he didn’t bother to check his phone once. When he or I got up to go to the bathroom, I replied to every message with a response that guaranteed a short conversation. In other words, I kept telling people that Craig was too busy to talk, then quickly deleted the messages.

Then, I received a text from Kenny. I had both of our phones on me, and thankfully, Craig and I had the same model, so he didn’t notice me suddenly switching phones.

“Bathroom break,” I said, standing up and rushing to hide in the bathroom.

I heard Craig call out that he would pause the movie for me, but I told him to not worry about it. If I took too long, he might try to search for his phone. The longer he was distracted, the more time I had to deal with whatever Kenny had to say.

Kenny: I take it you’ll need more time?

I knew he was going to say something like that, but he was right. I was wasting time.

Tweek: I fucked up, man! I should’ve talked to him at the hospital! Now he thinks that it never happened. How am I supposed to bring it up now???

Kenny: I knew this would happen tbh. I actually didn’t want to let u do this, but I didn’t want u hanging around limbo and Craig ditching work bc he was too depressed.

I shuddered at the thought of being in limbo again. That place was scary with its lack of… well… everything. Being on Earth with Craig was so much better, but since I was here because of Kenny, I had a feeling that I had to do what he asked. Unless…

Tweek: I don’t know how you made it possible to walk around on Earth and interact with Craig, but is it possible for you to make me alive again? Or turn back time? I’ll do anything! I’ll forever be in your debt!

His response was immediate.

Kenny: nope. sorry, but it actually took a lot of my strength just to allow you to interact with Craig as a ghost. you can’t even be seen by other people.

I let out a heavy sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to work.

Kenny: if you can’t figure out anything by tomorrow, tell me. we can meet up and talk about it.

Tweek: Thanks for your help. Really, I’m glad that you’re willing to help me move on.

Kenny: trust me, dude. limbo sucks. you’re my friend, so i’m happy to break you out of there.

Tweek: That reminds me. What were you doing there, anyway? And why do you have superpowers?

Kenny: don’t worry about it.

Right before I could press the issue any farther, I could hear Craig knocking on the door. I’ve definitely been in here too long.

“You okay, babe? Are you feeling sick or something?”

“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to keep my voice calm. “Um… My stomach is a bit upset, but I’m fine.”

“You sure? You want me to make some soup or something?”

He was always so considerate of my well being. Too bad I’m just an asshole who’s deluding him. I want to believe that it’s for his own good, but even I know that what I’m doing is wrong. I can’t keep up this facade forever. He’ll find out eventually, be it from me or someone else, but I really hope it’ll be me. That is, if I can find a way to break the bad news in a way that won’t totally crush him.

“No, it’s okay,” I answered. “I’m going to take some medicine, and I’ll be over there in a second.”

I opened the medicine cabinet and poured some pills into my hand to create the sound effects, then quietly placed them back into the bottle. A minute later, I walked out of the bathroom and joined Craig on the couch to finish the movie. I continued my act of keeping Craig in the dark by putting my full attention on him and keeping him away from his phone. 

By 9 PM, he claimed that his eyes were burning from staring at the television for so long, and he was ready for bed. I let out a huge sigh of relief internally, exhausted from keeping up this act for an entire day, though that didn’t stop me from thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow. Will I really have to keep him busy for a whole day again? But if I tell him the truth, I won’t have to. But how will I do that?!

“What’s wrong?” Craig asked. I clearly haven’t been keeping my emotions off of my face if he was asking me that.

“Nothing…” I replied, searching my brain for an answer that could appease Craig. “I was just thinking about that movie.”

We just finished watching the IT remake. Sure, the first time I saw it left me with an irrational suspicion towards lone red balloons, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it while we were watching it today for it to affect me. My mind was completely occupied with other problems.

“Ah, I forgot that you were afraid of that movie… Shit, I’m sorry, honey,” he apologized.

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s scary, but I like the story.”

“If you say so,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the bed. “Just don’t wake me up in the middle of the night to freak out about clowns again.”

When we said our good nights, I watched Craig fall asleep instantly again. Though exhausted myself, I didn’t feel the need to sleep, which was probably due to the fact that I wasn’t even alive. I closed my eyes to let my mind wander until morning, which wasn’t difficult, seeing how I was supposed to be trying to find a way to say a proper goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning out longer than I expected, so I'm not sure when it'll end. Judging by how I've been setting up the chapters by days, I'm thinking that there will be 4 more chapters left, but I honestly don't know. 
> 
> Also, if you're getting tired of all the angst, the next chapter will have fluff, I promise! Most of the time. Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoy!


	8. Do You Remember?

October 29, 2017

Do You Remember?

Unable to think of a good plan to confess to Craig, I lied on my back, staring at the ceiling. Craig knows that I wake up and wander around in the middle of the night, so what’s stopping me from doing that now? I could take a walk outside to clear my thoughts.

Just as I was about to leave the bed, I felt Craig gasp beside me. When I rolled onto my side to see what was wrong, I noticed that he was breathing heavily, his eyes were red and glossy, and his face was covered in beads of sweat. He sat up and clutched his chest, still trying to catch his breath as tears rolled down from his eyes. I took his hand, moved his face to meet my own, and calmly asked him if he had a bad dream. I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb before he started hugging me tightly and explaining that he couldn’t remember. I held him in my arms and lowered our bodies so that our heads rested on the pillows. I had a feeling that he was imagining me having a heartbeat at this moment, because I was sure that he wouldn’t be able to hear it, but that didn’t stop him from falling back asleep. Then I began to worry about his dream. Did he dream about the incident but forgot about it as soon as he woke up? This was something that I was going to have to ask Kenny.

 

Though I was still worried, I decided to ignore what had happened earlier and pretend to sleep. I let my mind wander for hours until I finally decided to open them, only to see that Craig staring at me with vacant eyes and a goofy smile. I asked if he had been dreaming about something good, and he replied by directing my attention to my ring with the thumb he used to rub it with. I brought up the proposal that never happened, and he answered with a blush, a smile, and a quick kiss, leading me to believe that he had created a false memory of the proposal on his own. He then called me Mr. Tucker, which made my heart flutter. When I said that I didn’t want to be stuck with the name Tweek Tweak, I meant it. It really was too bad that name had to follow me to my damn deathbed instead of Tweek Tucker, which had a much better ring to it. Hell, it reminded me of all the times that I’ve written it in my notebooks with hearts surrounding it. 

On that note, it was starting to become unnerving on how easily I’ve accepted death. Since I’m still in this world however, that meant that I still wasn’t ready to move on. I was still too attached to Craig, and I was afraid that this would prevent me from ever saying goodbye. I’m sure that however Kenny was making it possible for me to be here won’t work for long, so I couldn’t keep postponing my task. But still… I don’t want to leave Craig. Not just yet. And if he really was dreaming about the incident, I can tell that he’s not ready for me to leave either.

“Do you want to go somewhere today?” he asked, causing me to tense up.

Surprisingly, the two of us were off again today. There was a possibility that my coworkers have heard about what had happened to me, which probably meant that I shouldn’t bring Craig anywhere near the shop. As for Craig’s case, he had been off for two days in a row already, based off of the “new” schedule that Kenny had sent to him yesterday. Could Kenny have told them that Craig needed time to grieve, or was he purposefully taking his shifts for the same reason, and Craig just didn’t bother to question it? Craig would need the money eventually, so it’s not like Kenny could keep doing that.

“I don’t know,” I answered, hoping that he would suggest staying inside again. “Do you have anything in mind?”

“Do you want to go for a walk? Or call up the guys to get something to eat? Token’s still not back, though…”

My mind wandered as he rambled about different options. The guys won’t be able to see me, and they’ll definitely get concerned if they see Craig talking to no one, so that’s out of the question. Even if Craig manages to get a ticket for me to watch a movie, people might only see a floating ticket around, and there’s also the possibility of someone seeing a seat down without anyone in it. He even suggested getting coffee at my workplace, which I denied, using the excuse of them possibly asking me to work if they saw me come in. The only suggestion that would raise the least suspicion was a stroll through town. He may get some weird looks for talking to himself, but if we keep walking, hopefully nobody would say anything to him about it.

We decided on a stroll through town. As we walked, Craig said that wanted to visit places that were important to us. The first one was the park where we met. There were a few people passing by or jogging, but most had their earbuds in, so they probably won’t notice Craig. He led us to the exact bench that I sat on when I was busy drinking an unnecessary amount of coffee (which I had cut down significantly over the years) and folding paper stars.

“Remember this?” he said, pulling out the first gold star that I had given him two years ago. I remembered seeing it on his bedside table when I visited, and I remembered him putting it on the table again when we moved into our new apartment. Even though he held onto the jar of stars I had given to him when I had confessed, he kept this one separate from the others, claiming that it was the most special. Seeing it again brought a smile to my face. I could tell that he had been handling it carefully, because the star was in the same condition as when I gave it to him: no scratches or dents anywhere.

“Of course I remember. How could I not? You asked me every day after that about my progress!”

“It’s a great conversation starter,” he admitted. “I’d say, ‘hey Tweek, how are my stars coming?’, and you’d be like, ‘shut up, Craig, I said that I’d take my time’.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at Craig’s attempt at recalling the scene. It’s true that I said that, but only because I was trying to make sure that they looked nice enough to give away as a gift. After a while, I started writing notes inside of them. I would lay the thin strip of paper down, write a thought that I’ve had about Craig on the plain white side, and then fold the star in a way that would keep the message on the inside and show off the colors on the outside. I had a feeling that he didn’t notice yet, because one, he would have to unroll the star, which he refused to ruin, and two, he would have annoyed me about it to no end. I basically confessed my undying love for him in those stars before I had confessed in person. Maybe I could tell him about it soon, but I didn’t feel like doing so now.

We began walking to the high school. To this day, it still amazed me that we met at 18, because I had noticed him well before that. I’ve actually seen him for the first time getting into a fight as a 6th grader, which didn’t faze me. Everyone knew that 6th graders loved to pick fights due to the misery of being at the bottom of the food chain in a new environment, unlike being a 5th grader, which supposedly gave you superiority in elementary school. I was about to leave the school through the front gate when I saw Craig blocking the way. He had flipped off some 8th graders that had been taunting him when he was walking with Clyde and Token, which caused them to chase after them. He and Token put up a good fight while Clyde got one punch in before running away. The fight was resolved with no winners, since a cop drove by and broke up the fight. Each of them went their separate ways, though none of them even noticed me watching them the whole time. When I explained this to Craig, he busted out laughing.

“And you didn’t bother to do anything? Not even call for help?”

“Was I supposed to?” I squealed, suddenly panicking. “Oh my god, I didn’t do anything! I just stared!”

“Calm down, babe,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders. “It was a long time ago. Can’t do anything about it now.”

He pulled me in for a hug and began to rub my back, which made me even more anxious. Someone passing by could see this and think that Craig was crazy! But for his sake, I took a deep breath to calm myself before returning and breaking the hug. I had a feeling that I was going to have to keep myself under control for the rest of the day, but I couldn’t help but think how weird it must be for Craig to hold my hand, since he would have his arm out and his hand curled in a weird position. I decided to hold onto his arm, which made him appear more normal, and he appreciated this gesture more. 

I led him through the gate, walked us all the way to the back of the school, then settled on the wooden picnic table that our group sat at during lunch. Craig had purposefully sought me out in the cafeteria once school had started again to bring me out here. It was one of the few lunch tables that were outside, and you had to secure it, since many people liked the quiet environment it came with. Clyde was usually the one to run over immediately after class to save this spot, which meant that either Craig or Token had to bring over his lunch. I snorted when I remembered the time that Clyde ran over so fast that he hit his knee on the side of the bench.

“How’d you know that I was going to take you here next?” Craig asked, cutting the memory short.

“These are important places to us, right? I remember them,” I answered confidently. I even knew why this area was important. This was when Craig told the group about us.

“So why is this place important?” he questioned with a small chuckle and a smirk. He propped up his head with his arm on the table and faced me with eyes filled with curiosity. For some reason, this caused me to blush.

“Well, uh…” I started, suddenly losing confidence. “This is the lunch table that we always sat at, and… Oh! You told the guys about us for the first time! And then Clyde kept shouting ‘I knew it!’ until Token got him to shut up.”

“That did happen, but that’s not why I chose this place.”

I blinked in confusion. That wasn’t it? But before I could remember and say what memorable event happened, Craig beat me to the punch.

“A few days before graduation, I sat you down here and asked you to if you wanted to move in together, and you said yes. Do you remember that?”

“Yes,” I huffed, pouting. “I was just about to say that.”

“You confessing and us moving in together both happened at our houses, so there’s no point in taking you there...”

_You better not_ , I thought, knowing fully well that Craig showing up at my parent’s door with the invisible ghost of their son won’t go well. In fact, I don’t even know if they know what happened to me.

“...so I’m going to take us to our last special place,” he finished.

I was tempted to point out that he didn’t take us to where we had our first date, but it was at an amusement park in Denver, which again, wasn’t a good plan. When he stood, I quickly latched onto his arm again, and he led me down an all too familiar road. I gasped in shock when I saw the grocery store up ahead, though Craig took this as a happy surprise.

“You can’t forget this,” he pointed out. “It was literally yesterday.”

Of course I couldn’t forget. He could, but I couldn’t. I’ve been thinking about this ever since it happened. But of course, Craig had deluded himself with false memories. He was smiling widely in front of the crosswalk instead of grieving.

“Tweek,” he said softly, holding my hands. “On that day, you agreed to be my husband.”

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes for two reasons: one, I imagined the proposal and was overwhelmed with emotion. And two, I was reminded that Craig was going to have to learn the truth whether we liked it or not. He wiped my tears away, but in the corner of my eye, I saw Kenny standing behind the window of the store with a disappointed look on his face. Craig had his back turned, so he didn’t notice when another coworker pointed at him when talking to Kenny. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I did see Kenny make the “crazy” signal by the side of his head, hinting at their coworker that Craig was currently losing his mind. The worker gave Craig a pitiful look, while Kenny shook his head at me.

“We need to talk,” is what I made out from his lips before he walked off.


	9. Confessions

October 30, 2017

Like usual, I spent the night pretending to sleep. It felt nice to just shut out the world after a long day, even if it didn’t really energize me. It felt like dreaming, though I could wake up whenever I wanted to. This time, I “woke up” to Craig suddenly touching my face. We discussed the dream again, and he claimed that he remembered more from it, but really, he was just able to better describe the scene. From what I understood, he was wandering in an area with a few lights during nighttime. I already knew what he was dreaming about, but I didn’t want to say anything just yet.

Around 8 AM, I left to see Kenny, who had texted me to meet him at Stark’s Pond. I texted Craig, who was still fast asleep, saying that I had left early to go to work. I had to remember to put on my work apron somehow to make my excuse more believable.

Kenny sat on a bench by the water. When he noticed me approaching, he gave me a small smile and wave, but then returned to the disappointed look he had yesterday. I took a seat next to him, though I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. It has been 2 days since he turned me into a ghost. I’ve been wasting time, and he was surely angry about it. I bit my lip and stared down at my legs awkwardly, waiting for him to scold me.

“I told your friends yesterday,” he said, causing me to curse internally. “They’re probably telling him right now.”

“Kenny, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I… I just don’t know what to do…” I replied, holding back a sob. “I’m being extremely selfish right now for doing this to him--”

“You are,” he interrupted.

He was right, but what was I supposed to do? I fucked up the second I led him away from my corpse, and he’s so blissfully ignorant right now, he’ll probably lash out if someone else tells him the truth.

“I’m just really scared. I don’t want to hurt Craig, but he needs me right now, and I don’t want to leave him. Is there anything else we can do?”

“If you let the guys tell Craig the truth, he’ll just come to you to confirm. What will you do? Are you going to tell him that you’re actually alive and keep him delusional for the rest of his life?”

I didn’t answer him right away. I really wanted to ask if I could just tell him the truth while remaining by his side as a ghost, but I knew that Kenny was using up a lot of power just to keep me here. But was there really no other way?

“Let me confess something to you, Tweek,” he said. “You want to know how I made it possible for you to interact with Craig, don’t you?”

“Yes!” I nearly shouted. “How are you doing this?”

“I have these powers, and they all revolve around life and death. The first one is immortality. I can’t die. If I do, I end up in limbo for a while until I’m ready to return, then I reappear back in the real world, good as new.”

This was going to take a while to sink in. Kenny was immortal, and we met in limbo. Does that mean he died around the same time I did? What happened to him? I wanted to ask, but I felt that it wasn’t relevant at the moment. I let out a shaky “okay” for him to continue, though it took a lot of strength to keep myself focused on the main picture.

“The second is the ability to interact with the dead, meaning you. The only people you can interact with right now are me and Craig, who I made it possible to see you so you can say goodbye to him.”

“Huh…” was all I could say to that. I didn’t know how else to react, mainly because I had a feeling that this was the case.

“The third was something that I didn’t know I could do,” Kenny admitted. “Right now, I’m actually using you as a test subject.”

“Test subject? What do you mean?”

“Right now… You’re draining my powers by taking this form. If you stay in this form for too long, I’ll die for good.”

“What?!” I panicked, jumping up from my seat. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier?! Come with me, and I’ll say goodbye right now! I’m so fucking sorry, dude! I had no idea!”

As I spoke, I had my hands on Kenny’s shoulders, shaking him for keeping something like this from me. I was killing Kenny without even knowing it, and he didn’t even bother to say anything about it! We’re not even that close, so why would he do something like that!

“Calm down, dude. I needed to test this out so I could use this power in the future. Guess we’re both being selfish right now, huh?” he said with a light chuckle, though the atmosphere remained grim. 

I managed to calm myself and sit back down, though it was because I became curious about Kenny’s intent on using his power in the future. Did he plan on giving up his life for someone someday? Was he talking about his little sister?

“I’m fine right now, but you really shouldn’t delay this for too long,” he warned. “I’m not here to guilt trip you, nor am I saying that I don’t care about you, but I can’t die yet. There’s someone I need to keep living for.”

According to Kenny, I only have a few days, I think, to come up with a solution. I needed to find a way to tell Craig the truth, especially now that I have the possibility of Clyde and the others beating me to it. Hopefully, no one has said anything yet, but I couldn’t rely on that to always be true. If they do tell him before I do, I’ll have to be prepared to deal with a frantic Craig. I need to tell him to move on, but…

Kenny put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a relieving smile.

“Imagine that you’re back in high school, before you guys moved in together. Let’s say that your parents were moving across the country, miles away from South Park, and they were taking you with them. You have to say goodbye to Craig, who you’ve been dating for years. How would you do it?”

I remembered the walk we took yesterday. Craig led us down memory lane by taking us to places that were important to us. He must’ve been in a romantic mood after coming up with that proposal, because he had never done anything like that before. Sure, he could be romantic if he tried, but this was an especially romantic moment that I would definitely bring up during our vows.

Then I thought about the paper stars. The first half of the stars at the bottom of the jar were blank, but the second half at the top had messages in them. I wrote embarrassing things in those stars like, “I love your eyes” and “your laugh lifts me up”. I would’ve dreaded the day he found out what was inside the stars, but maybe it was time for him to see them. I wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me, and thank him for always being by my side.

My eyes stung as the tears welled up and rolled down my face. Without a word, Kenny pulled me into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down my back, much like how Craig would do to calm me. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed my tears to stain his jacket.

“Whatever you come up with, I know it’ll be good,” Kenny assured. “I know Craig is very important to you, so you better make sure he knows it.”

“I will,” I promised.

 

On my way back to the apartment, I spotted Craig at Clyde’s door. Craig looked like he was interrogating him, based off of the panicked look on Clyde’s face. Did Craig find out something from him?

“What’s going on, guys?” I accidentally blurted. I didn’t have a clear plan laid out just yet, but the thought of Craig finding out through Clyde made me uneasy. However, from the way I was progressing, I had a feeling that he was going to find out through someone else anyway. I just had to follow through and tell my side of the story when the time was right.

Craig apologized for some reason and explained that he was just talking to Clyde. Clyde and I managed to make eye contact, though I was sure he couldn’t see me, so he believed that Craig had been talking to nobody. Assuming that he was possibly in great denial, he backed into his house quickly. Craig didn’t press the issue any further, and instead took my hand to lead me home.

 

Back at the apartment, we talked more about his nightmares. I promised him that I would get him help, but that was just my way of telling him that I will explain everything soon. There were a few more things that I had to prepare for my plan, and if the guys tell him the truth before I do, then so be it. The idea I had was going to let Craig know that I had good intentions for doing what I did, and we need to break our attachment to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can safely say that we're reaching the end of the story! The story ends on November 1st (story timeline), so there should only be 2 chapters left. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me this far, and I hope you enjoyed! Also, happy Creek anniversary!


	10. Written in the Stars

October 31, 2017

Just as Craig’s nighttime routine was to re-live the tragic event in the form of a dream, my routine was to wait for him to wake up from said dream and calm him down. Even though I was prepared for him to do something to wake me up, I was still startled when he suddenly grabbed my hand. He was aware that I was awake, but he was focused on looking for my ring. When he found it, he sighed in relief, then began to rub the ring with his thumb. To my surprise, he started to question whether or not he actually proposed to me, but his reasoning for it was because he thought that I had broken up with him before he could. Obviously, that was far from the truth, but I still reassured him by claiming that the ring symbolized that we would be together for the rest of our lives. That was also far from the truth.

Once he went back to sleep, he didn’t wake up again until 11 AM. I assumed that this was because of how frequently he was forced awake in the middle of the night. I had stopped my train of thought several times throughout the night, but I didn’t bother to wake him. I planned on meeting Kenny to go over the plan one more time before I set it in motion, so I stayed in bed for the time being.

I watched Craig pick up his phone and look through his messages while remaining on the bed. Though he had his back turned to me, I could still see who had messaged him, but not what the messages said. One was from Token, and one was from Kenny. I made a note to ask Kenny what he was asking Craig once I saw him later today.

“I’m going to see the guys,” Craig suddenly said. “Something important, apparently.”

I had a strong feeling that this was the moment that they would tell Craig the truth, but I didn’t do anything about it this time. That was actually a part of my plan. Besides, if he was out of the house, I could talk to Kenny without questions.

I pretended to make breakfast by opening random cabinets and setting up pans until Craig left. After waiting about 5 minutes to make sure he had gone far enough, I pulled out my phone to text Kenny.

Tweek: Craig just left. He’s leaving to see the guys.

Kenny: kk. I’ll meet u at ur place later.

Tweek: You’re coming over?

Kenny: not really. I’m just going to wait outside your apartment and wait for Craig to come back. if the guys actually tell him, then he’s going to come home to you for questions, just like I said. I’ll text you to come outside when I see him coming. then you’ll come with me.

I put the phone down to think. Kenny was doing his best to help me with my plan, so I need to make sure that I don’t ruin it again. I don’t know how long Craig will be gone, but Kenny claims that he’ll be home quickly if the guys tell him what happened. When he does, he’ll text me to come outside and leave with him, which I assume is because he wants to make sure that I don’t end up deluding Craig any further.

Tweek: Okay. I’ll keep my phone on me and wait for your text.

I left the kitchen and returned to the bedroom. When I arrived, my attention immediately went to the jar of paper stars on Craig’s desk. I sat down on his computer chair, picked up a blue star, and unrolled it. This one had “you make me feel safe” written in it. I folded the strip of paper back into a star and put it back in the jar. I was tempted to read the rest, but I settled on making another star instead. I pulled out a strip of paper that was a shiny green color on one side. I laid it on the table with the white side faced upwards and thought about what to write on it. This had to be something that’s better than just “goodbye”.

I spent a few minutes sorting through different ways to convey my feelings by recalling all of the memories we spent together. I’m grateful that I was able to have someone in my life that loved and cared about me the way he did, and I couldn’t thank him enough for everything that he had done. That’s when I picked up a pen and began writing.

“Thank you for everything,” I said aloud as I wrote.

After admiring the handwriting that somehow was much better than it usually was, I folded up the strip of paper into a green star, but I kept it outside of the jar. I pulled out a gold strip of paper to write the next message, but my hand stopped all of a sudden. The pen hovered over the paper as I said the next message aloud.

“I promise… to love you forever...”

But even then, my hand wouldn’t move. There was something missing from this message. I closed my eyes and searched for the answer, then finally began to write.

“I promise to love you forever...even after death.”

With that last word, my tears fell from of my eyes, making it difficult for me to see. I had enough muscle memory to fold the star just by feeling it, but I had to make sure that I stretched my arms out to prevent my tears from smearing the ink. 

When it was finished, I poured out the stars onto the bed, then removed my ring. I stared at it through my blurry vision. Craig never had the chance to give this to me, but by the way he had described the proposal, there was no way that I would’ve said no. We’ve only been together for two years, yet he wanted to marry me. He actually wanted to marry me, but because of some cruel twist of fate, he couldn’t. Maybe if I had paid attention when I was walking, this would’ve never happened. It wasn’t fair.

I grabbed a piece of tape and placed both the ring and the gold star on it, then I taped it to the bottom of the jar. Afterwards, I filled the jar back up and placed the green star on top. I held the jar close before hearing my text tone, which prompted me to put the jar on the table and run downstairs. 

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Craig in the corner of my eye, but my gaze was fixed on Kenny, who asked if I knew why he was there. I walked over to his side to face Craig, which prompted Kenny to remind me to tell him the truth. I could tell that whatever happened with the guys wasn’t pleasant, but it certainly went according to plan. I knew that he came to see me for answers. I could feel myself biting my lip and shaking as I directed my gaze to the ground to avoid the hurt in Craig’s eyes, but he grabbed my hands and held them in front of us. He didn’t want to know the truth. He wanted to continue living a lie with the ghost of his dead lover by his side. I wasn’t looking him in the eyes, but I could tell just by the way he held my hands. They were shaking as well. He was afraid of what was going to happen next, and he hoped that we could just drop everything and go back to acting like nothing was wrong. When Kenny explained to Craig that it was important for him to hear the truth, I felt him grip my hands tighter. He didn’t want to listen to Kenny, or anyone else for that matter.

I explained that Kenny was right, then freed myself from Craig’s grasp. My voice dripped with dread and regret when I told him that I would meet him at his workplace at my time of death. I turned away from Craig and walked off with Kenny as quickly as possible. I couldn’t stand this atmosphere anymore. I didn’t want to see what kind of face he made when I left, but I couldn’t help but imagine it anyway. It was painful.

 

Just like the day before, Kenny had taken me to Stark’s Pond. We sat on the same bench, or rather, he tried to find a place to sit after I had collapsed on it. While lying on my side, I pulled my knees to my chest and sighed heavily, ignoring the buzzing of my phone from the messages that I knew were from Craig. I had a feeling that he was asking me where I had gone, but I didn’t want to look at my phone just yet.

“Run the plan over by me,” he said, patting my head. 

“I’m going to trigger his memory,” I began. “If I take him to the same exact place at the same exact time and act out the scene, he’ll be sure to remember. What do you think?”

Kenny pulled his knees to his chest as well and let out a long, “hmm”. I continued to stare straight ahead of me while I waited for his response. Personally, this was the best I could come up with, and I was sure this would work, but I needed some input from the person who was making this possible for me in the first place. I wanted it to work, after all.

“Wow,” he commented. “I imagined it just now and even I’m feeling really depressed. But that should work. Then what will you do? You know, how will you say goodbye?”

I was a little embarrassed to tell Kenny about the jar of stars, but it’s not like he could make fun of me in this situation. He didn’t seem to be in a chipper mood, anyway. He was probably waiting for me to go through with my plan, so he could gain his power back.

“I’m...scared that something might go wrong. Like I won’t be able to say it out loud,” I confessed. “I want to tell him how much he means to me…”

“Maybe leave him a letter?” he suggested.

I thought about the paper stars I had made. If he’s not messing with them at this moment, then I could give him the green star to guide him through my plan. Hopefully, he’ll see the ring and the gold star on the bottom as well.

“I had something like that prepared,” I replied.

I pulled out my phone to see what Craig had sent me. Sure enough, he had sent me several texts asking me to come home and if I was okay. The ones that said “I miss you” struck me the most. I swiped to delete a total of 12 messages, leaving me with just my background image. I changed my background every time I took a good picture of us. My current one was recent. Craig had bought a glow-in-the-dark pen and tested it by drawing constellations on my face. I couldn’t remember what any constellation looked like off of the top of my head, so when he gave me the pen, I just drew stars on his face. The picture was dark enough to see the ink glow, but light enough to see our faces. Remembering this again made me smile.

“That’s fucking cute,” I heard Kenny say as he leaned on me to get a better look.

I sat upright and handed Kenny the phone when he asked for it.

“Mind if I hand this over to Craig tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I won’t be able to use it after this, will I?” I said, my smile fading. It was probably for the best that he hold onto it anyway, so that i won’t have the urge to text Craig.

Kenny and I watched people wander around the area. Some were just passing by, and some came to see or post things to the bulletin board across from us. I noticed them giving him strange looks earlier when he was talking to me, but he paid them no mind. After a minute of sitting in silence, he caught me off guard by speaking.

“You know…”

“Yes?!” I asked in a strangely high pitched voice.

“We didn’t really hang out much, did we? Like one-on-one.”

I was aware that Kenny and I didn’t hang out very often, but I never did anything about it. I found it difficult to make friends, so I always became attached to the ones that actually bothered to befriend me. Craig had introduced me to his group, and all of them were very welcoming. Kenny’s group on the other hand would often hang out with Craig’s as one big group, but aside from going to parties and eating out together, we didn’t spend that much time with them. I could tell that they were all friends before I had joined the group, but they must’ve drifted since then. But aside from that, Kenny didn’t seem like the kind of person who I could easily approach. We’ve spoken before, and he was definitely friendly, but he tended to keep to himself most of the time. He prefered to observe everyone else and remain in the background.

“I don’t think so,” I answered. “Sorry about that…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. We’re talking now, aren’t we? Under some really shitty circumstances, but hey.”

I snorted at his attempt at lightening the mood. From what I remember, he was a pretty positive guy. Although quiet, he was always smiling. It almost made me forget that he died so often that he wasn’t fazed by being in limbo, unlike me. Then again, he could leave whenever he wanted.

“We’ve got until 3:30 AM, right? That’s enough time to get to know each other,” he noted.

“You’re going to stay here for that long? Don’t you want to go home and see your family?”

“Oh, good point. Karen finishes school in 3 hours, so I’ll leave then. So, let’s start. Who’s your favorite person?”

“That’s a weird way to get to know someone, but I have to say Craig. I mean, that was obvious.”

“I know. But it put a smile on your face, didn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. I was really glad that Kenny was the one to help me through this.

 

Kenny offered to let me tag along to see Karen, but I refused. I wanted to be left alone with my thoughts until it was time to see Craig. Because the town was small, it only took me about 3 hours to walk from one end to the other. There was no point in me going to another town, so I lingered around certain places for a while. Eventually, I settled on lying under a tree on a patch of grass and recalled everything I had written in those stars.

“I love seeing your smile.”

“You’ve always believed in me.”

“I always want to be by your side.”

I even remember a few where I just wrote "C + T" repeatedly, separated by a heart after each one. 

 

Before I knew it, the sky had gotten dark. Our meeting time was fast approaching, but until then, I remained in the same spot. The moon and stars shining above me instantly reminded me of Craig and the times we spent stargazing on the grass. I turned to my side and imagined him lying next to me with his eyes directed at the night sky. I could almost hear him pointing out constellations.

“Craig Tucker…” I whispered, knowing fully well that this was just an illusion. “I love you so much.”

I stared at my empty finger, regretting my decision to take the ring off so early. Even though I knew I couldn’t bring it with me, I wondered how he would react if I did. I hoped that he would be able to find it soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god we're so close to the end... I hope I can come up with a good conclusion. Wish me luck! And thank you for sticking with me up until this point! As always, I hope you enjoyed!


	11. Forever

November 1, 2017

Minutes before the meeting time, I left the tree that I had lied under for hours on end and slowly walked over to the scene. I spotted Craig waiting in front of the grocery store like I asked. He checked his phone constantly, being there were still 2 minutes left before we would meet. I could tell that he was looking for me, but I didn’t plan on revealing myself just yet. Hidden in the shadows, I watched as Craig took deep breaths as he prepared for what was going to happen. He was shaking from both the wind and his nerves.

Finally, the clock struck 3:30. Craig held a hand to his forehead and lost his balance for a moment, though he still stood upright. When he faced the lamp post where I had stood days ago, our eyes met. It was time to begin.

I waved at him and smiled to trigger the memory, then took a step onto the street.

“Stay where you are,” I instructed as I continued to walk towards him. I could tell that his memory had returned, because he was frozen in place. I couldn’t see the scene through his eyes, so I could only assume that it was one that filled him with grief, due to the way his hands were clenched and his legs desperately tried to leave the ground. He didn’t see me walk towards him. He was too focused on the painful memory that played in front of him.

The flashback ended once his legs gave in and he collapsed to the ground, his knees and hands propping him up on the sidewalk. He choked out my name through a sob, and at that moment, I felt the need to pick him up and pull him in a tight embrace. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to be swayed by my emotions, no matter how much the two of us wanted me to.

He finally saw my shoes and immediately recognized me from the way he shot his head up. He stood back up and held my face in his hands for a moment. Just like his nighttime routines, his eyes were glossy and red from the tears, though they were wide open so that he could assess the situation. Somehow, I could feel his cold hands warm up on my cheeks.

After silently staring and feeling my face for almost a minute, he asked why it was possible for him to touch me. I placed a hand on his and gave him a solemn look. I could feel myself pulling away. I didn’t want to tell him, but it was too late. He already remembered the scene, and now he wants to know why I was able to stand before him. I couldn’t delude him any farther.

“I didn’t want to leave you. You’re touching me right now because I’m allowing it.”

In reality, Kenny was the one who was making this possible, but that didn’t matter right now. If he decided to give Craig the details, then that was up to him, but for now, I just explained that I was a ghost.

With that, he pulled me close and held me tightly. He didn’t seem to care that I was ghost. When I explained that I only wanted to ease his suffering by making him forget the incident, he seemed hopeful, which was what I was afraid of. His solution was to keep me around him as a ghost, despite the weird looks he would get from people, but I knew that wouldn’t be possible. I pulled away from him and tried to explain what had happened with Kenny without mentioning his name, though that only caused him to become more desperate. At this point, he was practically begging me not to go, going as far to suggest that Kenny bring me back to life. But I knew that the cost of my life was Kenny’s, so I dismissed the idea. I ended up shouting at him so that he could come back to his senses.

“You have to move on,” I said, though I wasn’t able to hide my regret. “I can’t leave until I know that you’ll be okay without me.”

He sighed heavily in response, his expression showing a mix of desperation and realization. I held a hand out for him and told him that we were going back home, but this time, I wasn’t going to pretend that everything was okay.

 

Once Craig pulled out his keys to unlock the door to our apartment, I noticed that I was fading in and out, which probably meant that I was running out of time. When he opened the door and walked in, he turned to face me, but I quickly ran past him and made my way to the bedroom. He must have thought that I had disappeared at that moment, because he spent a few seconds looking for me outside. Assuming that I had already disappeared, he dejectedly walked into the apartment and towards the bedroom. I had been waiting for him in there with the jar of paper stars in my arms.

This is it. The moment of truth.

I expected him to take a moment to look at the stars when I handed them over to him, but instead, he took the jar from me and placed it on the bedside table. He then attempted to reach for my face for what I hoped was a kiss, but his hand went right through me. I had a feeling that this would happen when I started fading in and out, so I moved along with the plan. I walked over to the jar and picked up the shiny green star that I had placed on top for this moment and began to undo it to reveal the message hidden inside. I then placed it back on top of the other stars and faced him.

“Goodbye, Craig,” I said softly, trying to give off the impression that I was finally at peace.

He reached for me one last time, but once again, he went right through me. I came to terms with our departure when I looked at my hands and didn’t see a thing. Perhaps this was Kenny’s way of giving me just a little more time with Craig, because I could still see the room we were in.

“I love you so much,” I whispered, knowing fully well that he couldn’t hear me.

I watched my plan unfold when Craig picked up the strip of paper that I had left for him. After reading the first message, he grabbed three more and unrolled each of them one by one. His lips moved as he read, though he didn’t make a sound. He then grabbed the entire jar and dumped all of the stars onto the bed. When he reached the bottom, he saw the ring and last gold star that I had taped to the jar. He carefully removed them and unrolled the star while holding the ring in the palm of his hand. Again, his lips moved silently to read the message. His gaze switched over to the ring, which he stared at for a long time. I imagined that he was reminiscing about us during that time.

Finally, he began to cry. He gripped the ring tightly in his hand and held it to his heart. He sobbed quietly and, through his tears, he said one last thing that allowed me to move on for good.

“Goodbye, Tweek. I promise to love you forever too, even after death.”

The world around me began to fade into a soft, blue sky. I stood on what appeared to be a never-ending road of clouds, and up ahead, I could see the pearly gates that I’ve heard so much about. I turned away from them and took a deep breath.

“I’ll never stop loving you, Craig Tucker!” I shouted with the biggest smile I could muster, though tears fell from my eyes as well. “We’ll meet again soon, I promise!”

And with that, I turned back to the gates and walked towards them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being much shorter than I expected because most of what happened was explained in chapter 6, and I didn't want to repeat everything again. But anyway, we finally made it! This is the end of the story. Thank you to everyone who read it and supported me! I hope this was a good way to end the story. It was very bittersweet, wasn't it? Again, thank you for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed my story!


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